The Official End of the World (2012) thread!

[Theicecreaman]

'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Deck the halls with...
THIS STUFF!!!:


Happy new years!

[Wonko the Sane]

Hallways decked out with donuts hanging from the ceiling and plastered all over the walls... sounds like my kind of place.

Happy The Beginning of the End, everybody! Let's go out with style!



Edit:
I shall now keep track of the many ways in which we will all perish when the world ends.
This list will be updated as new methods of death and destruction and general world-endingness are contributed.

• Zombies!
  
• A giant meteor becoming smashed into us.
  
• Chuck Norris.
  
• Blivvy.
  
• Nuclear missiles.
  
• Pirates, yarrr!
  
• Aliens.
  
• Egyptian Pharaoh Mummies returned from the dead.
  
• Llama will spam us all to death.
  
• A star in the Orion constellation goes supernova and we have two suns in the sky.
  
• SOPA.
  
• The Jabberwocky.
  
• Fire and brimstone.
  
• The ozone decides it's had enough of us and we all freeze to death.
  
• Death by drowning when the polar icecaps melt.
  
• A creature most foul.
  
• Giant roadrunner, MEEP MEEP!!
  
• Death by gravity.
  
• Giant Auto Pilot Android Asteroids From Another Galaxy (GAPAAFAG for short)
  
• Ice cream polluted with hazardous chemicals.
  
• Kids these days don't even know what a record is, so we all naturally die as a result.
  
• Time runs out when Old Father Time comes to collect.
  
• Death by lack of nachos due to the world ending.
  
• El Dia de los Muertos.
  
• Killer shoelaces.
  
• Alice.
  
• Killer robots.
  
• Death by a depressed psychiatrist.
  
• Death by conspiracy theory.
  
• We could all die laughing!
  
• Death by Pure Evil.
  
• Ragnarok
  
• Llama not spamming
  
• Time paradox created by two conflicting yet inevitable phenomena (Llama's spamming and his ceasing to spam) that will cause a hole in the time vortex, thereby disrupting the space-time continuum and releasing massive amounts of psychic energy that will manifest itself in our subconscious and zombify us all.
  
• Death by Feminine wiles.
  
• The Apple Mapocalypse.
  
• Flying alien cows from Outer Space.
  
• Death by SUPER BULLET BILL 64!
  
• Hostess going out of business causing us to search the world for the last box of Twinkies anyone will ever enjoy, ever.
  
• Death by Gangnam Style.
  
• Death by the Sexual Harassment Panda
  
• The Staypuft Marshmallow Man.
  
  

[Theicecreaman]

Oh, that's right. Zombies take over the world this year.

I call shotgun!

[Wonko the Sane]

Dualies for me, thank you.

[Da Llama]

C-C-C-CHUCK.

[blivvy]

We have one more year left until... UNTIL.... ANOTHER YEAR STARTS!!

But on a serious note

[Wonko the Sane]

It's the end of the world! Play us off, keyboard cat!


Exit, stage left.


By official decree of a majority vote of the Board of Trustees of the School of Cake, I hereby rename this thread, the Official End of the World thread! Post your 2012 videos and thoughts on the apocalypse here all year long, right up until the bitter end of it all!

In other news, now taking bets on who will win out before The End, the zombies , the pirates , the aliens , or uh these guys:

[Loki]

I'm denying the end of the world. Hell, if I'm wrong, it's not like there will be anyone around to say "I told you so."

[blivvy]

[Wonko the Sane]

Love those "in 5 seconds" videos. As long as they aren't the silly ones that are over a minute long or some silliness.


Here's my contribution to the end of the world in 5 seconds collection in this thread:

[Theicecreaman]

Things to do before the end of the world:
*play call of duty with a zombie
*find a way to synthesize cookies from snow
*learn force lightning

[Da Llama]

MY FINAL WORDS FOR 2012:

[blivvy]

Well at least there's one good thing about the world ending...



@ Ice: I could teach u how to force lightning but u might melt

[Theicecreaman]

It's ok--i'll just melt into the snow and regenerate, Sandman-style, with epic cookie powers that'll make your heart melt (literally).

[blivvy]

So does anyone know the exact date of the apocalypse? Just wanna know if we should cancel christmas this year, ya know? xD

[Da Llama]

WHAT IF...
i survived, and no-one else does, but i get a tv show about a llama who survived 2012.

i dont like logic

[Wonko the Sane]

The date is on the winter solstice. The 21st I believe. The whole end of the world thing is actually a gross oversimplification and misunderstanding of the actual Mayan calendar though, perhaps reflecting our own inferior intellect compared to that of the Mayans? But more on that later...

I shall now commence re-edumacation. (There's a TL;DR version at the end so don't be a dick )


Basically, the Mayan calendar is broken up into several cycles of varying lengths, kind of like how we have weeks then months and years in our calendars. At the end of a week, a new week starts. So do the cycles in the Mayan calendar. Their cycles simply go out waaaay longer than ours do. After years we have decades then millennia, and that's really the longest cycle we have. Remember Y2K? Everyone thought the world was gonna end then too, because it was the end of a millennium, the longest calendar measuring stick we currently have.

In the Mayan calendar, the longest cycle is called the long count, and it's on a scale we probably can't even begin to fathom. It encompasses entire civilizations. It measures time since what they believed was the beginning of everything, thousands and thousands of years ago. This pretty much one of the ways they kept a record of their history.

Their calendars all worked together to create specific periods in time, which they labeled based on what they knew of those time frames. Since they viewed time on such a grand scale, they were able to find the patterns in history and work that into their calendar. This notion survives today even... How many times have you said or heard the phrase "History repeats itself"? That's basically the idea behind the Mayan calendar. There are periods in time which repeat themselves, and they labeled them, which is why some people think the Mayans had prophesies about the future. Really, though, they just understood time on such a large scale that they could roughly estimate what kinds of things would happen during a given timeframe.

The period we're currently in translates to something like "A time of great change" I believe. But we're not talking about a new president or even a new government, we're talking like... "adapt or die" kind of change. For reference, the last time this current period came about, the Mayans failed to adapt and their civilization died off. End of Line, man. (bonus points to anyone who gets the reference)

But that doesn't mean the world is going to end, it's simply the end of one of the great cycles in the long count calendar. A new one begins after Dec. 21st. According to their beliefs, the world had been created and destroyed three times before now. We're living in the fourth world, and this fourth world ends with the end of this cycle in the long count. The Mayans believed the fifth world would start next. Sort of a rebirth I suppose. So basically that's what they mean by a time of great change. It's starting anew with a new world.

I don't think anybody knows how strict that date is, though, because there aren't any ancient Mayans around to tell us anymore... does the time of great change begin on the 21st or end on the 21st or somewhere in the middle? When does the fifth world begin to replace the fourth, nobody knows.

Honestly though, even if it sounds like a load of mumbo jumbo to you, you really have to stop and think about this: It's pretty impressive that the Mayans had a calendar that is even more accurate than our current one. We need leap years and all that to compensate for the changing rotation of the earth and moon and so forth, but the Mayans didn't. Their civilization existed four thousand years ago and their calendar marks the winter solstice on the day it happens this year. You'd think that after four thousand years there'd be some error in there, but not even a day is off. They were incredibly smart, and in order to pull that off they really had to have an understanding of the movement of time and also the movement of the planet. We're not even smart enough to create a calendar that accurate. Hell, we still use daylight savings time to compensate for our inadequacies. We're flat out bumbling morons compared to the Mayans. So you have to wonder, if they really were able to perceive time on such a large scale, are those repeating periods in history actually based on observations and historical records they kept over the course of thousands of years? If they were that smart, it's entirely possible that they saw the patterns in history repeating itself and wrote those patterns down into their calendar to keep track of it.



So, the short and skinny version: The Mayans were incredibly smart, rivaling and in some ways surpassing the intellect we mistakenly believe today is greater than any civilization that came before our time. Their calendar is far more accurate than anything we've created, and contains periods in history which are very probably based on observations of historical events repeating themselves over the course of many, many generations if not thousands of years. "History repeats itself", as they say even today. The period we are currently in is called something like "A time of great change", and is the end of one of the cycles in their long count calendar. I like to call it "Adapt or die", since that seems to summarize the point they're trying to make quite well. The last time this period happened, the Mayans failed to adapt and died off. But the world doesn't cease to exist on the winter solstice at the end of the cycle, a new cycle simply begins. This is just the end of the longest cycle in their calendar, what they considered to be the end of one world and the beginning of the next world, a new world if you will. What does that mean? Well, imagine if someone finally invented artificial intelligence on Dec. 21st. Wouldn't our world change so immensely that we'd call it a new world? Things would change so much that in a few years time you'd hardly recognize our world anymore. That's the idea they're trying to convey when they say it's a "time of great change" or the end of one world and the beginning of a new one.

So, like the song says. It's not the end of the world, it's the end of the world as we know it!

[Wonko the Sane]

As a side note, though, I'm still rooting for the giant asteroid from the sky smashing us all into tiny bits. Go giant asteroid, go!

[blivvy]

Wonder what the Fifth World will look like? Just wait until they release a movie called Fifth World Just like the movie 2012 only instead of the end of the world, it will be about the beginning of a new one... It will happen lol.

Did you guys read about some star that is collapsing? Scientists say that it could explode and create a black hole, but they don't know when. Could be tomorrow, could be in 1000 years... Anyway they say it's not going to affect us in any way so nothing to worry about.

[Wonko the Sane]

I think it's actually in the Orion constellation. One of the brightest there if I'm not mistaken, Betelgeuse. And it actually could have already gone supernova and the light just hasn't caught up to us yet... we wouldn't know since it takes the light so long to reach us.

It's kinda cool to think that one of the brightest stars in our sky could actually not be there anymore and we wouldn't even know. We'd be seeing the echo of a dead star... according to Wikipedia it's 640 light years away, so it could have gone supernova 640 years ago. Think about that... we could be seeing 640 year old echos of a star that no longer exists.

That's just cool.

[blivvy]

Sure is. Another thing I forgot to mention was they said when it exploded it would be like having a second sun in the sky. So even at night it would still be bright. And that could last for something like 2 months. It'd be crazy if that were true.

[Wonko the Sane]

Yeah I think I read that somewhere too. It'll look something like this:

[Wonko the Sane]

Oh man, the Internet is down! All the websites are blacked out! It's the end of the world!!!!


Oh, wait, no they're all just protesting SOPA and PIPA...

[blivvy]

Fuck you all. I'm out.

[Da Llama]

... according to Wikipedia

which is now blacked out due to SOPA protest.

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