Once Upon a Time, an Interactive Adventure

Surprise surprise, I'm voting for D. Frank is too, so does that count?

Wu tha fluck iz frank?

A, Even though it should be a pony, not a mouse.

KAI/BOOG don't choose your bro--choose mee!!!!1111111010101010011010101

b/c if you choose loki, there will be a rodent infestation at your house. If you choose Blivvy, he'll blow your house to oblivion. If you choose Fjord...well, nothing will happen.

...HOWEVER

if you choose me, I'll let you have two sirens after I tame them. So uhhh... the situation seems rather cut and dried. But, however, you could just choose your brother and have him stare at you, oblivious to the situation.

<-- best choice.

blivvy wrote:Well obviously choice C

Theicecreaman wrote:B. obviously.

Loki wrote:A, Even though it should be a pony, not a mouse.

Mr.Fjord wrote:Surprise surprise, I'm voting for D. Frank is too, so does that count?

blivvy wrote:Wu tha fluck iz frank?

They were both completely helpless and at the mercy of those seven mermaid sirens! Their quest to save their people faded from their minds. But then, swooping down from above to save the day came Loki the Mouse!

"En garde, thou foul beasts!" He cried, as he stabbed at the mermaids with his cutlass. Unfortunately, his cutlass was the size of a toothpick and barely phased the preoccupied singing sirens.

But then, out of nowhere came Icecreaman the Perverted!

"Hey sexy bebehs, come ride with me" he slyly suggested. Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe and Willy-nilly-bo-billy glanced at him momentarily before returning their attention to the seven half naked mermaid sirens who were busy catering to their every whim. Honestly, can you blame them?

As Ice made a second attempt, he was shoved out of the way by 'Blivvy the Badass!

"DIE BASTARDS!!!! AAAHHH!!" he screamed as he went all rambo on the mermaids' asses. And they were fine asses, indeed. Poor 'Blivvy didn't even stand a chance. They entranced him just as easily as the others.

Somewhere high above the comical mess below, a mutant seagull carried Fjord the Average in its talons.

"Oh, look Frank, a couple of helpless hillbillies drowning in a sea of sexy sirens" he observed casually. "And it appears all those other characters are only making things worse!"

Frank, the mutant seagull, shrugged its shoulders slightly, which caused the two of them to take a sudden dip before Frank regained control. "Sorry."

"Well, I suppose someone should rescue them" stated Fjord the Average.

Frank made an attempt to shrug again, resulting in another sudden dip.

"Oh come on, what's the worst that can happen?" challenged Fjord the Average. Frank tightened his grip, drew in his wings, and began a nosedive straight towards the scene below, which was now only missing an erotic soundtrack accompaniment.

A hundred feet above the disaster, Fjord the Average zeroed in on the mermaid he decided was the lead siren, figuring if he could take her out, the rest would retreat back to the salty seas from whence they came. He prepared his trusty:

a) tube of chapstick with SPF 30...
b) half dented ping pong ball from last night's game...
c) world record setting paper airplane...
d) bag of dinosaur magic capsules...

Spoiler:

D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...eh I mean

Is there anything dinosaurses can't do?

D.

KaiStagon wrote:D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blivvy wrote:

Mr.Fjord wrote:Is there anything dinosaurses can't do?

Theicecreaman wrote:D.

A hundred feet above the disaster, Fjord the Average zeroed in on the mermaid he decided was the lead siren, figuring if he could take her out, the rest would retreat back to the salty seas from whence they came. He prepared his trusty bag of dinosaur magic capsules.

"Okay get ready, Frank" he said. "We have to time this perfectly!" Fjord the Average took aim and launched a fistful of magic capsules.

"Now!!" screamed Fjord the Average. Frank, the mutant seagull, however, was already distracted by the two horribly deranged and yet somehow still alluringly attractive half naked mermaid sirens around Willy-nilly-bo-billy. Frank and Fjord the Average plunked straight into the water. Nobody noticed.

Moments later, one of the magic capsules struck the first mermaid siren who was singing to Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe. She brushed it out of her hair and into the water, assuming it was just a bird dropping. She couldn't have been more wrong. Before she knew what happened, a ginormous foam Tyrannosaurus Rex swallowed her whole! The other six sirens looked up from their victims, letting out an ear-piercing shriek of terror as each was, in turn, swallowed up by foam dinosaurs.

Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe and Willy-nilly-bo-billy looked around them, finally noticing Loki the Mouse, Icecreaman the Perverted, 'Blivvy the Badass, Fjord the Average, and Frank too. They were all now treading water, surrounded by huge foam dinosaurs.

"Wuht did y'all go n' do that fur?!" cried Willy-nilly-bo-billy. "Dems was gorjus!!"

Fjord the Average, admiring his handiwork, began to chuckle. The others soon joined him and, before long, everyone burst out in hysterical laughter at the scene around them: Two hillbillies, four heros, and one mutant seagull surrounded by seven giant foam dinosaurs.

"Hey guys, watch this!" Fjord the Average exclaimed, as he reached for his pouch of magic capsules, which was conspicuously absent from its usual resting place on his hip. "Uh oh" he managed, and was promptly swallowed up by a Stegosaurus.

"sh*t, run run!!" shouted Icecreaman the Perverted.

"Don't you mean, 'swim, swim'?" corrected Loki the Mouse. A Triceratops materialized around both them.

"GAME ON!!" challenged 'Blivvy the Badass, as he reached for his arsenal of high-tech weaponry. A pterodactyl scooped him up in its beak.

"Well, screw this" Frank, the mutant seagull resigned, as he took flight and got the hell out of dodge, leaving Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe and Willy-nilly-bo-billy doing the doggy-oh-god-oh-god-get-me-out-of-here-paddle towards the island, pursued by the aquatic equivalent of an ever-growing stampede of life-size foam dinosaurs.

"We're not gonna make it!!" cried Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe. Even more giant foam dinosaurs appeared directly behind them as they swam. They were still at least a mile from shore when suddenly, hundreds of thousands of bubbles emerged from beneath the surface of the water. "What now?!"

Within moments, the two of them found themselves standing on dry ground, a towering mass of foam blocking out the sun behind them. The magic capsules had soaked up all the water in the ocean.

"Huh. Never thought I'd see that" said Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe.

"I sawd it last night in mah dreems" said Willy-nilly-bo-billy as he went to poke the huge lump of foam.

"NO NO!! Don't touch that you idiot!!" screamed Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe, yanking Willy-nilly-bo-billy away before he could cause the mass to collapse on them.

Just as the two began to walk towards what used to be an island, the Tyrannosaurus that gobbled up the original mermaid siren burped from somewhere inside the mass of foam. Something shiny was tossed out towards the two. Willy-nilly-bo-billy nearly tripped himself trying to both turn around and run towards the shiny object at the same time.

"Look, Billeh, I gots:

a) a lil' goldy key thing!!" he exclaimed with glee, jumping up and down.
b) a sparkleh fallded star!!" he said, wide-eyed and flabbergasted.
c) the necklace the nekkid fishy was wearing!!!" he smirked, as he rubbed it all over his face and smelled it.
d) a bubblezzzes!!!!!!" he stuttered, adding his own spit to the soapy sphere.

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I just saw a bee

Theicecreaman wrote:CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Just as the two began to walk towards what used to be an island, the Tyrannosaurus that gobbled up the original mermaid siren burped from somewhere inside the mass of foam. Something shiny was tossed out towards the two. Willy-nilly-bo-billy nearly tripped himself trying to both turn around and run towards the shiny object at the same time.

"Look, Billeh, I gots the necklace the nekkid fishy was wearing!!!" he smirked, as he rubbed it all over his face and smelled it.

"Give that here!" demanded Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe as he reached to grab it from Willy-nilly-bo-billy. "That must be our second clue!"

"Git away!!" cried Willy-nilly-bo-billy. "I founded it first!! It's MINE!!"

He shoved Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe as hard as he could. Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe fell backwards straight into the mud.

"Hnyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk!" Willy-nilly-bo-billy laughed out loud.

"Stop laughing!! It's not funny!"

"Yuyk yuk hyuk hhuk!"

Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe got up and ran away, towards the island, leaving Willy-nilly-bo-billy behind, cuddling the necklace and rubbing it all over himself.

"My preeecciouuuuussssss...." he hissed.


Night fell. Sitting hunched over in the middle of what once was a vast ocean, the only sound Willy-nilly-bo-billy heard was the occasional flapping of a dying fish out of water, and the squishing and sloshing of the towering mass of foam just behind him.

Day broke. As Willy-nilly-bo-billy's eyes opened to the new dawn, he suddenly realized that his companion was nowhere to be found.

"Billleehhh!" he shouted, but the only answer he received was silence. Willy-nilly-bo-billy got up and walked towards the island. It was a long journey and the ground beneath him was still moist and muddy. With every step, his feet sunk half a foot into the mud and made a horrible burping noise.

"Someone has drunk too much sodas! Pew!!!"

Night was again falling as Willy-nilly-bo-billy reached what was once the island's beach. He could see an enormous lit sign before him that read "Wonko's Wacky World of Wonder: The magical, the bizarre, the absurd, the slightly average but strangely askew!" Having nowhere else to go, Willy-nilly-bo-billy entered the straw-floored, tent-lined park.

An extremely tall man leapt out in front of Willy-nilly-bo-billy with his hand reached out, palm up. "Ticket please." he requested.

Willy-nilly-bo-billy was so distracted by the shiny lights that he didn't even hear the man's request, but he gave him a high five and continued on his way.

"billlEHHHH!!! BilleeehhHHEHheEEEEEeeHhhhhh!" But his companion was nowhere to be found.

Not inside the tent with the swinging acrobats: "BilleeeEEEEooOOOOWWWOoooooahLOOKOUT!!!!"

Not inside the lion's mouth: "Billeeehh! Billeeehh! Billeeehh! Billeeehh!"

Nor inside the bearded lady's tent: "Billeeeeeeeaaaaaaa..... sooooo puuurrrddyyyyy..."

Willy-nilly-bo-billy was just about to give up when, around the corner, he finally saw Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe.

"BILEEH!!! I's been lookin' all ovah for youuuu!"

"Shut up, Willy, look who I found." Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe said coarsely, pointing to the booths directly in front of him.

Before them, each sitting at their own booth, were Loki the Mouse, Icecreaman the Perverted, 'Blivvy the Badass, and Fjord the Average!

"Woah hows did you guys get here?!" asked Willy-nilly-bo-billy, wide-eyed with wonder.

"They say they don't remember" explained Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe. "One minute they were being swallowed up by giant dinosaurs..." Fjord the Average looked up and whistled "...and the next they were sitting here. They think some magical being saved them."

"And we have a message for you!" exclaimed Loki the Mouse. "We have your third and final clue! It was given to us when we first got here."

"Yeah yeah yeah!" said Icecreaman the Perverted. "It goes like this: 'third round past the bend, up the giant cliff and across the stream there lies a door with no house.'"

"No, you idiot, that wasn't it!" Loki the Mouse smacked Icecreaman the Perverted. "It goes like this: 'third day in a series of nights, down the giant hill and across a river of blood there floats a window with no wall.'"

"You both have it wrong!" explained 'Blivvy the Badass. "It actually went like this: 'third giant thing you blow up will lead you to cross the field of no ammo to a house with no doors or windows.'"

"Um, guys, it actually was just--" Fjord the Average attempted to speak but was immediately cut off.

"SHUT UP, FJORD!" all three of the others shouted in unison.

"But, guys, it's actually just over there--" he again attempted.

"Nobody cares what you have to say mister 'I'm so better than the rest of you 'cause I'm all average and stuff.'" the other three cut him off again.

Willy-nilly-bo-billy looked at Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe, who was deep in thought. "Well Billeh, which one is rite?"

"Hmmm..." pondered Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe. "I think it's:


a) 'third round past the bend, up the giant cliff and across the stream there lies a door with no house.'"
b) 'third day in a series of nights, down the giant hill and across a river of blood there floats a window with no wall.'"
c) 'third giant thing you blow up will lead you to cross the field of no ammo to a house with no doors or windows.'"
d) 'just over there.'"

Well I'm generally wrong, and asplosions sound cool so C.

Mr.Fjord wrote:Well I'm generally wrong, and asplosions sound cool so C.

"SHUT UP, FJORD!" all three of the others shouted in unison.

"But, guys, it's actually just over there--" he again attempted.

"Nobody cares what you have to say mister 'I'm so better than the rest of you 'cause I'm all average and stuff.'" the other three cut him off again.

Willy-nilly-bo-billy looked at Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe, who was deep in thought. "Well Billeh, which one is rite?"

"Hmmm..." pondered Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe. "I think it's 'third giant thing you blow up will lead you to cross the field of no ammo to a house with no doors or windows.'"

"OH YEAH!" Blivvy the Badass did a few fist pumps in the air. "It's on now!!" he shouted with glee.

The others watched with astonishment as he grabbed his assault rifle, spear gun and three golden Colt .45's, slung two shotguns over his shoulders, holstered seven bowie knives and clipped multiple frag grenades to his vest, donned a compound bow, arrows with highly explosive tips, a plethora of proximity mines, Wonko's Magic Stun Baton, the 'help help, I can't hit a damn thing' gun and, just in case all that failed to get the job done, one BFG.

"Wow, that's one really, really big gun" marveled Loki the Mouse.

"Really big" echoed Icecreaman the Perverted.

"Can we go already?" asked Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe as he started walking in the direction Blivvy the Badass had previously pointed out without waiting for an answer. The others glanced at each other and, with the exception of Fjord the Average, began to follow Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe.

Fjord the Average let out a sigh. "Really, guys, it's just over there" he cautioned one last time, but his voice fell on deaf ears. He sat down at his booth, stuck his elbow on the table, propped his chin up in the palm of his hand and let out another sigh. "I'll be right here" he mumbled.

Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe marched onward, followed by Willy-nilly-bo-billy. Behind him, Loki the Mouse rode on Icecreaman the Perverted's shoulder and Blivvy the Badass struggled to keep up, weighed down by all his weapons and ammo.

Having reached a large clearing, the moon now high in the sky and the moonlight shining down on them, Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe paused a moment and looked back for Blivvy the Badass. "So what, exactly, are we supposed to start blowing up?" he asked.

Blivvy the Badass made his way past the others up towards the front of the line and began to take a good look around. "Well," he said "I think we should start with:



a) "...that enormous granite statue of a fish over there! I hate fish, especially the green ones... what are they called, rodios?"
b) "...the random fireworks factory to the left there. I'll set some high explosive charges at key structural points and Loki can press the detonator! It'll be like the Fourth of July!"
c) "...the red barn down that country road there! I'll place hundreds of trip mines all over the walls, ceiling, and floor and we'll wait until the farmer enters then BOOM!!! It'll be great!!"
d) "...that stupid circus we just came from, 'Wonko's Wacky World of Wonder'. I hated that ridiculous place so much, I'ma use my BFG and blow it all to kingdom come!"

b. haha

You've read too much Hitchhiker's guide and watched too many action flicks, Wonkster

Theicecreaman wrote:You've read too much Hitchhiker's guide

Impossible!! There's simply no such thing as too much Hitchhiker's Guide!

Theicecreaman wrote:b. haha

Having reached a large clearing, the moon now high in the sky and the moonlight shining down on them, Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe paused a moment and looked back for Blivvy the Badass. "So what, exactly, are we supposed to start blowing up?" he asked.

Blivvy the Badass made his way past the others up towards the front of the line and began to take a good look around. "Well," he said "I think we should start with the random fireworks factory to the left there. I'll set some high explosive charges at key structural points and Loki can press the detonator! It'll be like the Fourth of July!"

Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe shrugged nonchalantly. "Whatever," he said "make with the 'splosions."

An enormous grin swept across Blivvy the Badass' face as he carefully selected charges from his assortment of explosives. As the others watched on, he snuck into the facility with evil intent.

"We should probably dig a foxhole or something" suggested Icecreaman the Perverted, and they set to it.

A few minutes later, the enormous grin emerged from the fireworks factory with a few less explosives in tow. Blivvy the Badass passed a single detonation switch to Loki the Mouse as he leapt into the newly dug foxhole.

"Heheh heh, big building go BOOM!" Blivvy the Badass exclaimed, his grin growing larger by the second.

Loki the Mouse flipped the switch on the detonator.

For a moment, nothing happened.

...

Loki the Mouse looked at Blivvy the Badass.

...

Nothing continued to happen.

...

A small bead of nervous sweat formed on Blivvy the Badass' brow.

...

Icecreaman the Perverted pointed a threatening finger at Blivvy the Badass. "You know, all I wanted was one lousy explosion today. If you screwed up the placement of those char--"

He was cut off by the deafening sound of a thousand starving pigs being threaded through a keyhole in a door with an obnoxiously loud keyhole alarm system purchased from Wonko's Wacky World of Wonder: The magical, the bizarre, the absurd, the slightly average but strangely askew!

Loki the Mouse opened his mouth to express his awe at the wondrous explosion they had just witnessed, when the air was sucked right back into his lungs by a second, a third and a fourth thundering explosion, each larger and louder than the previous. The shockwaves from the explosions pounded them, their shallow foxhole providing little cover.

But the torture they were enduring was not without its rewards; it wasn't long before the fireworks began to explode outwards in all directions, launching colorful rainbows, sparks and screeching streams of awesomeness directly over their heads.

It was, in a word, awesome. The night sky was filled with bedazzling colors and shiny displays of sparkling magic.

When the shockwaves had finally ceased and the last of the remaining fireworks were fizzling out, Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe, Willy-nilly-bo-billy, Blivvy the Badass, Loki the Mouse and Icecreaman the Perverted were left sitting in their foxhole with charred faces, stunned looks and hair standing horizontally backwards from the percussive force of the show they had just witnessed.

And so they sat for a solid twenty minutes as their brains, which had been turned to goo by the awesomeness, slowly re-solidified.

The first to utter a sound was Loki the Mouse, who mumbled something along the lines of: "Whhauooh.. hmmnnuhhhttt... thaaa.. thaaat wasss--"

"What do we blow up next!!?!?!!" interrupted Icecreaman the Perverted with exuberance.

The grin having never left his face, Blivvy the Badass exuded excitement when he said:

a) "Look!! Another fireworks factory behind the one we just blew up!!!"
b) "The red barn down that country road there! I'll place hundreds of trip mines all over the walls, ceiling, and floor and we'll wait until the farmer enters then BOOM!!! It'll be great!!"
c) "That stupid circus we just came from, 'Wonko's Wacky World of Wonder'. I hated that ridiculous place so much, I'ma use my BFG and blow it all to kingdom come!"
d) "That enormous granite statue of a fish over there! I hate fish, especially the green ones... what are they called, rodios?"

B! B! B! no, wait... C!!!!!! hold on let me think, pie= cookie, then its B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

D, fo' Donald Duck, dawg!

blivvy wrote::DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Theicecreaman wrote:D, fo' Donald Duck, dawg!

"What do we blow up next!!?!?!!" interrupted Icecreaman the Perverted with exuberance.

The grin having never left his face, Blivvy the Badass exuded excitement when he said "That enormous granite statue of a fish over there! I hate fish, especially the green ones... what are they called, rodios?"

"You know, for some reason I've always hated that statue" admitted Icecreaman the Perverted.

"Blow it up!!" cheered Loki the Mouse.

Blivvy the Badass scratched his chin, pondering the myriad of potential explosive outcomes to the situation while mentally flipping through his arsenal of mayhem-causing ordinance. He settled on a combination of munitions guaranteed to squeeze every last ounce of satisfaction out of the destruction of that statue.

He set an enormous gatling gun down in front of Loki the Mouse, who stared in amazement at the sheer size of the weapon.

He then handed Icecreaman the Perverted a revolver with a barrel twice as long as he was.

"It's an .88 Magnum," explained Blivvy the Badass "it shoots through schools."

He then shouldered two assault rifles himself and trained his sights on the statue. "Ready?"

Loki the Mouse and Icecreaman the Perverted screamed a few high-pitched phrases of excitement.

"Set..."

"FIRE!!!"

The three of them let loose a barrage of bullets, a storm of shells, a massive multitude of munitions, indeed, a hail of hell upon that statue. Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe and Willy-nilly-bo-billy took cover behind a tree to avoid the shrapnel.

Blivvy the Badass let loose a maniacal shouting laughter as he fired his twin assault rifles.

Loki the Mouse ran inside a mouse wheel that spun the firing barrels of his gatling gun.

Icecreaman the Perverted pretended he was shooting through a school.

When the dust had settled and all the casings had hit the dirt, Blivvy the Badass, Loki the Mouse and Icecreaman the Perverted let out a roar of evil laughter as they gazed upon the havoc they wrought. The statue was completely riddled with holes.

"And now for the grand finale!" shouted Blivvy the Badass as he pulled a bazooka out of who knows where and pointed it at the statue.

"I didn't know he had that," Icecreaman the Perverted mused as he turned to Loki the Mouse "did you know he had that?"

Loki the Mouse shook his head as he watched Blivvy the Badass launch a single glorious shot towards the statue, which cried for its mommy then immediately ceased to exist.

Blivvy the Badass pumped his fist in the air and ran towards the newly made pile of rubble. "I think it's an improvement, don't you?" He asked, turning to face the others. "What's next?"

"This is madness!" shouted Billy-bob-joe-bob-joe from behind the tree.

"Isn't it fun??" squeed Loki the Mouse. "Now let's blow up:


a) "That second fireworks factory behind the one we just blew up!!!"
b) "The red barn down that country road there! We'll place hundreds of trip mines all over the walls, ceiling, and floor and we'll wait until the farmer enters then BOOM!!! It'll be great!!"
c) "That stupid circus we just came from, 'Wonko's Wacky World of Wonder'. I hated that ridiculous place so much. Use your BFG and blow it all to kingdom come!"

Look guys, I can see that silly circus from here! Let's blow it up!

B for Broski. That farmer's had it too good for too long...

Hey look it's this topic.