Vitamin D Deficiency among common Mountain Trolls

Dear friends and colleagues at Wonko's School of Cake,

I write today to bring to your attention a severe physiological affliction of epidemiological proportions that will, undoubtedly, bring about the end of all matter and time unless acted upon accordingly.  I speak, naturally, of Vitamin D deficiency of the common mountain troll (Trollus Clubbus), which has led to severe musculoskeletal wasting and weakness, mental retardation, and flammable spontaneous combustion among the species.  

Upon facing direct sunlight, the mountain troll turns to stone and will remain in that state until the sun sets.  Consequently, packs of trolls typically reside in Troll Hoards, caves underneath mountains, to avoid this unpleasant situation.  They're nocturnal creatures, coming out at night to capture and cook their prey:



However, their diet of nutritionally deficient humans and dwarves, along with their limited sun exposure, predisposes them to vitamin D deficiency.  As such, we expect for the number of active trolls in the woodland area to decline exponentially over the next decade, resulting in a lack of predation and, thusly, deterrence over the area.  This will allow mindless zombies, werewolves, and rambunctious bunny rabbits to run amok, burning down villages and chomping on peoples' guts for sport (see Monty Python and the Holy Grail).  

I recommend we develop a moisturizing cream that allows mountain trolls to traverse the lands in daylight and then politely encourage them to use it on a daily basis, at least twice.

Thanks,

Ice

Thank you, Ice, for bringing the plight of the common mountain troll to our attention.  Certainly, the effects of this affliction are far reaching and very concerning.  We currently only have to deal with widespread hordes of zombies one month out of the year, for which we are very prepared, however the potential increasing lack of predation as the mountain troll population is predicted to decline must be taken very seriously.  Additionally, the Rabbit of Caerbannog is currently only rarely sighted on the Minecraft server where it is said to guard a legendary black beast.  Your argument that we must not allow these predator-prey relationships to fall out of balance is most compelling.

That said, we are but humble bakers whose mission is to take over the world with delightfully sweet pastries.  Unless you can alter your proposed delivery mechanism to function as part of one of the pastries we specialize in, perhaps the powder on powdered donuts or a filling of some kind, I'm afraid we simply are not equipped to mass-produce such an item.  Additionally, we must consider the fact that there may be unexpected side-effects of such a treatment.  You claim that the affliction has lead to "severe musculoskeletal wasting and weakness, mental retardation, and flammable spontaneous combustion" among the species, but have you considered that these effects may factor into the predator-prey relationship we are so concerned with maintaining?  It may be possible that the mitigation of these afflictions itself may alter the natural balance in the wild.  Do we really want more intelligent trolls roaming our forests?

Thus, by a majority vote of the board of trustees of the School of Cake, your motion concerning the development of a moisturizing cream is hereby denied and you are ordered to conduct further research and study before revising your proposal to include possible unforeseen side-effects and potential alternative treatments more in keeping with the School's specialties.

Now I just feel bad for these mountain trolls. Maybe some high spf sunscreen might do the trick? 

And one thing we really don't need are more rambunctious bunny rabbits!