Chuck Norris

All Hail CHUCK NORRIS!
Chuck humor here!

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Google+Chuck+Norris&l=1

When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes the BEST cookies, with only his roundhouse-kick foot.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Dear Chuck Norris,
"Find" that Justin Bieber guy because HE SOUNDS LIKE A 7-YEAR-OLD GIRL!!!
-Sincerely,
Theicecreaman.

(PS you can use my ice cream truck...I'm sure you know where it is )

Chuck Norris once shot down a German bomber in 1944, just by making a gun with his thumb and finger and yelling "BANG!"

Chuck Norris once went on a stroll on the beaches of Normandy. The result was "Saving Private Ryan: The Uncut Edition."

Jihadists are pissed as, whereas they used to be able to offer their converts 73 virgins in Heaven, now they can only offer at best 73 women-whove-already-had-sex-with-Chuck-Norris.

Mr. T can scratch diamonds. Chuck Norris can fight a war, win a presidential election and prevent an alien invasion, all whilst eating "Diamond-o's," the world's only diamond composed breakfast cereal.

Chuck Norris once went back in time, and had sex with a cavewoman. That lineage now includes Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Scwarzeneggar and every decent President of America.

Classification of films in America had to be changed recently with the addition of a "CN" rating; if you watch this film, and you are not Chuck Norris, then savour every one of your 5 remaining moments.

If you can't see Chuck Norris, your dead. If you can see Chuck Norris, your dead anyway; you see him when he delivers the fatal roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris can lead a hourse to water and make him drink.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license and the age of 16 seconds.

Chuck Norris took his tonsals out with a chainsaw.

If you stare at the American flag long anough, you'll see a 3-d image of Chuck Norris.

When God said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris said, "Say please!"

The best thing you relize in the morning, is that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

YOU DON'T FIND CHUCK NORRIS, CHUCK NORRIS FINDS YOU!!!

Chuck Norris's true body count may never be known, as his victim's tendancy to be vaporised by a roundhouse kick leaves only witnesses.

Chuck Norris leaves no witnesses.

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around Chuck Norris can hear it.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris came before the chicken and the egg.

You can't find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow because Chuck Norris has already taken it.

The universe is expanding because matter is trying to get further away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once beat a wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris knows the Muffin Man.

Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.

If at first you don't succeed you must not be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underpants on the outside.

When Chuck Norris gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex because they are doing the same thing.

It goes boy, man, THEN Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris was born the only guy who cried was the doctor never slap Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't apologize. YOU do.

Chuck Norris has ambidextrous feet.

Chuck Norris created every Chuck Norris joke.

Chuck Norris told his shadow to stop following him... and it did.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero

Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

"Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" is a fictional account of the time Chuck Norris played dodgeball on a national level. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris once went on a skydiving holiday over Japan during 1945.

Jackie Chan and Jet Li are secret lovechilds of Chuck.

Chuck Norris can beat Palpatine in a duel with just his feet


Chuck Norris can disarm Freddy Kuger and give him a massage with his own blades


if in a space and time paradox if Chuck Norris fought himself he would win. Period

he was?


Chuck Norris divided by Ifinity. Twice

Chuck Norris defeated Zeus in a duel. Period.

My own: Why did the chicken cross the road?

To meet Cluck Norris

(Cluck Norris is a mascot in Grand Theft Auto for the 40-year-olds living in their mother's basement who don't know)

Chuck Norris is always on top, 'cause Chuck Norris never fucks up.

"Death before dishonour" has recently been revised to "Death before dishonour before Chuck Norris."

3 years after District 9, the aliens return with Chuck Norris in tow, who proceeds to drop himself on Johannesburg, killing everyone but the aliens. They repopulate the Earth, making Chuck their God.

"Chuck Norrismon" was originally in Pokemon Red/Blue, but was taken out after it was realised he had an infinite amount of health, and all his attacks were One-Hit KO's with 100% accuracy.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he pushes the Earth down.

Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice... from a banana.

Chuck Norris invented all of the colors except for pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris donated blood to some people, does people are now know as the X-men

One day Chuck Norris looked at the sun, the sun went blind.

Chuck Norris told his parents what to name him.

Chuck Norris played Russian rollete with a fully loaded gun and won

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse; horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck's fist.

Chuck Norris tamed a wolverine, lion, and cobra all in the same day.