Pirates write too!

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Pirates write too!

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Tue Nov 10, 2009 3:43 pm

Rummaging through my memory stick t'other day, and came across this. This was my first attempt at writing a book that occured in September 2007, but I never got past the prologue. It was gonna be one hell of a book, maybe a little ambitious, but at the time it seamt like a good idea. Critique it if you like, it's not gonna get relooked at, so I'm more interested in what you think of my writing style and plot ideas than whether you like the general idea or not.

Prologue

* * *

Date: 26th July, 1947
Area: 51
Location: Roswell
State: New Mexico
Document status: Classified- for the eyes of the President only.
Signed: Hayden Ventimiliga; Commanding Officer, Area 51, Roswell, New Mexico
Witness: Adrian Graves; Private 1st Class, Area 51, Roswell, New Mexico
Witness: Thomas Graves; Sergeant, Area 51, Roswell, New Mexico

Dear Mr. President,
I wish to report to you on the events that occurred 3 days ago, on the 23rd of July, 1947, that began at 0213 hours. I feel that they may have an impact on our future defensive stance towards other countries, and now, possibly other worlds.
The facts, as blunt as possible, are this: at 0213 hours, a bright light was seen over Area 51, Roswell, New Mexico. This was seen by many of the staff stationed at the base. Private Graves stated that the light appeared to be getting nearer, but this claim was dismissed as the result of copious amounts of alcohol consumed at his unauthorised birthday party affecting his sight. Nothing more was thought of it, until 0244 hours, when several of the staff were woken by the sudden series of events towards the end of the night. Once topside, they discovered this was due to the light from before now being less than 100 meters above the base. The light landed some 150 meters from the entrance, as though it had tried to land in the base itself. The ensuing shockwave knocked out our electronics and cut communications, like a powerful electrical blast. The light turned out to actually be fire; the object had been burning in the atmosphere, but appeared to be intact despite this. By 0326 hours, the fire had burnt down enough for an inspection to be carried out.
The object appeared to be a vessel of some sort, yet of extra-terrestrial origin. It was elliptical in appearance; its main form of propulsion seemed to be two rectangular tubes, connected to an engine unlike any to be seen on the planet. The vessel also seemed to be unusually tall; it measured no more than 10 meters in diameter, but was more than 15 meters tall. Quite honestly, it looked like a giant flying cigar. Sergeant Graves was the first to approach the vessel. He took some readings of temperature, and radioactivity levels, made a few measurements and made to leave the rest to the scientists.
As he turned, the top half of the vessel slid off. What was inside shocked us all. The vessel contained three beings. None of them were from this world.
They were abnormally tall, more than 9 meters. However, they were still humanoid in appearance, and looked to wear a primitive form of clothing that comprised gowns and Roman-esqe togas. One of the beings was already dead; slumped forward, the conclusion was the crash killed him. Another was barely alive. As Sergeant Graves stood there, the being attempted to reach him with his arm. Some of the staff acted on instinct, and let off their M1 Carbines, approximately 5 rounds each, at it. Smoke began to issue from the vessel, and I ordered a cease-fire. Yet still the smoke issued; soon Sergeant Graves was lost in the smoke.
Suddenly, there was an explosion, and the entire staff was blown backwards. Sergeant Graves reappeared, bourn on the explosive waves. When reached, he was unconscious, and evacuated to the medical bay. At 0551 the fire finally ended. While badly damaged, most of the vessel was salvaged, though the beings had been disintegrated by the explosion. Studies of the vessel are ongoing, and we have yet to speak to Sergeant Graves regarding the explosion, due to his current comatose state.

Yours faithfully,
Hayden Ventimiliga, Commander of Area 51, Roswell, New Mexico



NOTES (prepared by Vice-President):- Claims examined on 27th July, 1947. No trace of crater, reported vessel or ashes of beings. Commander Ventimiliga was confused by these revelations, and shocked to discover they were true. Accused of inciting hatred against mixed races. Found guilty, dishonourably discharged, currently undergoing mental evaluation. Sergeant Graves arrested for attempted sabotage, trial impending. Current situation: nothing to worry about, national security at level 5. Most likely a well planned hoax to catch you off guard and discredit you for the upcoming election. Opinion poll shows you hold 45% of the vote. This incident has, if anything, increased rating for your good handling. Updates to follow .












***
Date: November 22nd, 1964
Location: Washington D.C.
Event: The Assassination of J.F.K.

Click.

The scope adjusted one click.

Click.

And another.

Click.

One more.

Perfect.

The view of the road was unobstructed. The scope was at the perfect range for one thing: assassination. The president wouldn’t know what hit him. One shot, was all it would take. One shot. Then, it would all be over. No more fighting. No more anger. The end. All he had fought against would change. End. Forever. Why waste the opportunity?

Click.

One more click.

This had begun nearly 20 years ago. He had been imprisoned, along with his brother, for something they didn’t do. At the time, they were confused. Now, it was clear someone wanted rid of them. Two days later, his brother died. Stabbed by another inmate. Having to identify his own brother unnerved him greatly. He was placed in isolation, “for his own safety.” Bugger that. They just wanted him out the way.

He’d been tried the next week. Found guilty of “inciting terrorism.” Sentenced to 20 years in jail. Served 10 of those. He broke out while being transferred to a medium-security jail. Killed the guard, ran. Ran like he’d never run before. 7 years later, this was the result of his running. Taking a shot at Kennedy. His biggest achievement to date.


He was contacted by a man named “Daniel.” Tall guy, black hair, glasses. Blue eyes. Cold stare. Said he could help him. He asked how. Daniel said he could do the world a service. Rid us of Kennedy. A man too weak to rule America. It needed a strong ruler. He agreed. Daniel gave him a rifle, and told him to be at a certain location today. Said his shot would usher in a new age of peace. Daniel left, and now it was time.

The motorcade was close. He could hear the cars engines. Soon, it would be over. Revenge was sometimes better served hot.

“Drop the gun.”

The voice was clear, concise. He chanced a look-round. The man had a white shirt, blue jeans, and a pair of Magnums pointed at him. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses.

“Why?” he replied.
“You’re doing exactly what they want.”
“So?”
“That’s bad. Do you know who I am?”
“Some wiseass who knows too much?”
“Yes, good guess. You still have a sense of humour, Adrian.”

How did he know his name? Adrian was startled. No-one knew his birth name. In 7 years, he’d had a lot of names, but Adrian wasn’t one of them. He hadn’t used that since…

“Who are you?” Adrian asked, trembling.
“Someone who knows you well. Your brother.”

The guy holstered his guns, and removed his sunglasses. The brown hair, the blue eyes, the scar on his left cheek. It was Tom alright. Adrian shouldered his rifle, jumped up and hugged his brother.

“It is you,” he cried.
“I’m back,” Tom replied.
“How?”
“I wasn’t stabbed. Well, it didn’t kill me, anyway. Killed the mortuary guards, and ran. Been on the move ever since. You’ve been contacted by someone, haven’t you?”
“He has.”

The voice was cold and clear. Adrian and Tom turned. A man was standing nearby. He was aiming a similar rifle to Adrian’s at the President.

“Time to usher in an age of peace.”
“No, Daniel!” Adrian shouted.
“Too long has the fate of too many rested in the hands of idiots,” Daniel taunted. “Somebody needs to heal this country, before the diseases of Communism and other movements destroy us.”
“The healing is happening,” Tom pleaded. “Communism and other movements are the beginnings of a free world. You would deny many the freedoms they deserve.”
“Better certain people decide for them, than let them decide for themselves and fluck things up. Be seeing you.”

“Daniel” fired. A single shot. Kennedy went down. Tom and Adrian drew their guns and fired. “Daniel” collapsed in a shower of blood. The agents below drew guns, and fanned out to look for the shooter.

“Bastard,” Tom muttered, before shooting “Daniel” again. He gasped, and died. Blood slowly trickled from the bullet in his head.

“Run.”
“What the hell was that?”
““Daniel” is an agent for an organisation who wants to usher a new age of peace. They believe that the mistakes of the past can be altered by them and their followers. Unfortunately, this involves world domination. Now, run.”
“Why would they want to rule everyone?”
“I don’t know. Who does is anyone’s guess. I’ll explain later the logistics of it all. But now, run.”

As they ran, Tom thought hard. This organisation had not shown itself for 16 years, since the Roswell incident. Their interest had forced his escape. Since the Roswell skirmish, they had vanished. Apparently, that was a bad thing. But he had taken a vow that he and his descendents would not rest until this menace was destroyed. The many untold and horrific secrets he knew drove him to end it all. Evils like this could not escape justice.

Later, he would realise that this event was a fitting beginning, to a revolution of blood.

End of prologue

I'd also like to thank a friend of mine, who did some editing work on it for me. I'd also like to thank him for putting up with my crazy ideas for books. So, anyway, have at ye!

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by blivvy on Tue Nov 10, 2009 5:40 pm

Man I want to read more! lol

Thats awesome jack. All the secret stuff with area 51 always interests me. I would definitely buy one of ur books Thumbs Up

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Wonko the Sane on Thu Dec 03, 2009 10:52 am

So I read this for the first time just now and I have to say, it looks like a lot of thought went into this prologue. If you had finished the book, I bet it would be an incredibly complicated and twisted tale of deceit, mistrust, and secret organizations. Nice work, Jack! Thumbs Up Thumbs Up

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:47 pm

Wonko apparently thinks a lot like me. Yeah, that was the idea, but my thouught process became rather expansive, and what would have been a good book turned into a massive book filled with plot twists, confusing stuff and, frankly, I gave up, as I didn't think I could write as well as I could what I wanted to. However, I am actually tempted to come back to it now...

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Theicecreaman on Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:44 pm

Oh sh*t I had forgotten to read this topic... I saw the million and one paragraphs and decided to hold it off. I just read it too, and boy is there some talent in that adventurous mind of yours! I thought it was vivid and had eloquent use of transitional phrases.

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Thu Dec 03, 2009 4:40 pm

Sprechen Sie Englisch? Sorry, I only did English up to GCSE (but I did get an A), but transitional phrases... Oh, yeah, hang on, I ken. Sorry, it's so long since I actually read this through properly that I can't remember it.

Having said that, my interest is re-piqued. I may come back to this for good now. I did have another idea on the go, with something written, but that's kinda stuck in the mud atm. Plus, since this was written (it's at least 2 years), my writing has improved. So, with a little luck, I'll kick in some new installments soon. Watch this space!

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Loki on Thu Dec 03, 2009 4:45 pm

*Watches Space*

Damn, this is boring. What else is on? *Changes channel.* Razz

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:45 pm

Aye, I know, but I've been busy with exams and all that jazz. I'm planning to start working on something else soon though, something Star Wars-y related, so stay tuned.

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Lil' Beth on Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:42 pm

Basketball this is my 2nd fav sport my first is football and yeessss iam newww and cool and my brother is delisauce!
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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:54 am

And... this is totally the wrong topic for that comment.

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Wonko the Sane on Tue Jan 19, 2010 1:41 pm

Writing is a sport!!!







...isn't it? Sad

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Tue Jan 19, 2010 1:55 pm

I think she was refering to the basketball...

And if writing were a sport, then just give me the god damn gold medal Wink

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Wonko the Sane on Tue Jan 19, 2010 11:27 pm

Thousand points and the gold medal go to......... Jack!!! cheers

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Re: Pirates write too!

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Wed Jan 20, 2010 10:54 am

YAAAY!

Now I can buy some more rum!

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Re: Pirates write too!

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