Jack's Jokes

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Jack's Jokes

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Thu Oct 01, 2009 4:32 pm

My best selection of jokes, well, the least dirty ones anyway. Here's the first:

Episode 1

A young couple who were very much in love were unfortunately killed by a falling church spire on their wedding day 10 minutes before they were to be married. Next thing they knew, they were stood in front of St. Peter and the gates of Heaven. The couple, annoyed at being killed moments before they were to be joined, asked St. Peter if they could be married in Heaven.
"I don't know," replied St. Peter, "but I'll tell you what, seen as your so much in love with each other, I'll go find out just for you."
So St. Peter went into Heaven to try and find an answer to their question. However, he was gone for quite a while, and a massive queue built up behind the couple. Eventually, St. Peter returned with an answer.
"Phew, yes, there is a priest in Heaven who is willing to marry you."
However, the young couple had been thinking that eternity was a very long time to be spent married to each other, and wondered if they grew tired of each other, if they could divorce. A rather annoyed St. Peter replied:
"IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS TO FIND YOU A PRIEST IN HEAVEN! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE ME TO FIND A LAWER?"

I aim to do these weekly, but don't hold your hopes up.

Next time: an Irishman, an American and a Scotsman...!

That's now!

Episode 2

An Irishman, an American and a Scotsman were all drinking on top of the Empire State Building. The rather inebriated American drunkenly said to his friends:
"Hey you guys, I bet you $10 that I can drink this whole bottle of whiskey, then jump off the top of here, fly all the way round and land right back here!"
"Alright then!" said the Irishman, and he put $10 on the floor.
So, the American took the bottle of whiskey, drank the entire bottle, jumped off the building, flew all the way around, and landed back where he started, pocketing the $10.
"Wow, that's some good sh*t!" proclaimed the Irishman. "Let me try it!"
So the Irishman took a bottle of whiskey, drank the entire bottle, jumped off the building, and plummeted to his death.
To which the Scotsman drunkenly proclaimed: "Oh Superman, you're a bastard when you're drunk!"

Any good comments wellcomed. Note: good!


Last edited by CrazY! on Thu Oct 01, 2009 4:43 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : We don't like being called 'Scot' How bout we call you 'Eng'?)

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Re: Jack's Jokes

Post by Loki on Thu Oct 01, 2009 4:44 pm

Aside from the racism (which has been dealt with,) I liked them. Keep 'em comin'!
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Re: Jack's Jokes

Post by blivvy on Thu Oct 01, 2009 5:04 pm

lol. I liked the 2nd one.

Btw as far as the racism goes, irish people dont just drink all the time.... we don't......

srsly Razz

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Re: Jack's Jokes

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:59 am

I'd argue calling you a Scot wasn't racist, I just thought it sounded better than Scotsman.

Hehe, so you do like. More soon then!

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Re: Jack's Jokes

Post by Wonko the Sane on Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:04 pm

I've always loved that superman joke. rofl

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Re: Jack's Jokes

Post by Cap'nJackSparrow on Sat Oct 03, 2009 4:12 pm

Yes, Superman wasn't always the all-American hero. I mean, Lois Lane IS married...

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Re: Jack's Jokes

Post by Bugenhagen on Tue Oct 06, 2009 7:47 pm

Racist: extreme hatred toward a specific group of people (my own definition)

really craz?
anyway..haha funny jokes.

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Re: Jack's Jokes

Post by Theicecreaman on Mon Oct 12, 2009 4:28 pm

laugh out loud

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